Trying to BE what I claim I believe

I havn't blogged in almost a year. I've decided to take back to it, recently, for my own sanity. It helps me to walk through my thought processes.

Well I am not even going to go into 2009 except to say that it has been a interesting year. I will call it the year of recognition. We spent most of the year running, so to speak. But God is SO FAITHFUL, He lead us through some tough times to reveal many hidden things that we'd have probably missed had it not been for the struggle. I am sure this paragraph leaves you very curious, but we will leave it as it is. 2009 summary, we are well and I believe in His will.

Trying to BE what I claim I believe...

I am about to embark on one of the scariest, most exciting, and faithful things I have ever attempted in my life. I am putting my money where my mouth is,..HA! Quite literally actually! That's funny! LOL!

After many years of wanting, dreaming, praying, fearing, hoping, ...I could go on, I am finally going to record an album. This spring God willing. This is not definite, as many details are still falling into place, but they are, in deed, falling into place.

I have been raised in church and taught to "believe" to have "faith". Why is it always easy to believe God has a plan or call on everyone else, but so difficult to believe he has a plan for you. I don't know, quite honestly. I have always had a terminal case of self doubt. But yet deep down inside always dreamed I am called by God and tried hard to seem confident in that fact. Over the past ten years I have been slowly cultivating my gifts in music, through church and worship at home. For the last two years my involvement in the church has been quite limited, which if I am honest, was difficult for me. BUT it has been the greatest time of worship in my life. I began to write, like crazy. Then to really dream, to get a vision for how God just might want to use me to touch hurting people through music.

Really? Am I actually going to do what I have always said I believed? Be quiet fear! I am truly trying to take my thoughts captive, and not read ahead so to speak or speculate. I am just trying to take this a day at a time, and let God do it. Cause He is the only one who can anyway. I am humbled by each unexpected piece of the puzzle that falls into place. Just overcome to be accurate.

Noah has been just....amaze-ing. He has become my hero. When I am looking at the mountain or the mountain range before us and have forgotten I serve the mover of mountains, Noah has been so quick to simply dismiss the the mountain. I mean just looks at it and says, "So?" then reminds me of the promise God has made and plays the role of my biggest fan. He is also really good at reminding me that it is NOT about me anyway, yet somehow making me feel so special all at the same time. I know! I literally look at him in total awe sometimes. Thank you God for my hubby!

So here I am, My most important call is, of course, my kids and husband. Just to be clear, I have not forgotten that fact. In fact I feel more aware of it than ever, and I find myself enjoying my tasks more than ever. Funny. Maybe cause I am no longer baring the burden of defered hope.

"Hope deferred make the heart grow sick, but longing fulfilled is a tree of life" proverbs 13:12 Wow is that ever true.

I pray as you read this you are inspired to tackle a task you have allowed fear to keep you from. Do not despair He is abundantly able to complete the good work He began in you. Do you believe that? Really? Weather you believe it or not, doesn't change the facts. He is able, and will. WILL! HIS will shall be accomplished.

Isaiah chapter 6 talks about how Isaiah is being called. He has this vision, he sees God as a judge seated on a thrown, he sees the majesty of God. Suddenly he is acutely aware of his unworthiness. He says,"woe to me I am a man of unclean lips, from a people of unclean lips."

God in His majesty lets an angel take a live coal from the sacrificial altar(JESUS) and cleanse Isaiah's lips, simply by touching them with the coal. The angle says,"see this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away & your sins atoned for." In the passage to follow Isaiah hears the call of the Lord saying " Whom shall I send? and who will go for us?" This is the biggest part, Isaiah doesn't hesitate, or fear. He believes he has been atoned and simply says, "Here am I, send me!"

I am crying as I write this, because I long to believe I am worthy, redeemed. and just say, "here am I Lord, send me." In essence this is the point, I am trying to BE what I claim I believe.

If you are still reading and haven't checked out, I am almost done. My life verse is the simplest and hardest. I am not perfectly walking in this faith walk but praise be to God he expects no more of me than willing-ness. My heart is to live this....

Isaiah 61:1

The spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom to the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.

Just a few thoughts. LOL!